Showing posts with label JOKE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JOKE. Show all posts

Cumberland Log Cabin Kit from $16,348

1.

While many people around the world are looking for a more sustainable form of building houses, there is a way that has been around for centuries that we can still use today! Take this gorgeous log cabin for example, this log home would be the perfect home for the whole family. The wonderful thing about log homes is that they have so many benefits over conventional dry wall homes.




2.

Log homes and cabins are very sustainable, as they are made from renewable materials that come from the Earth. Most of the logs used to build these log homes and cabins come from sustainable tree plantations, where the trees are used for their wood, and then more are planted in their place to grow into more trees for more logs. This is a better way of going about this process, rather than just chopping down any tree, so that we can keep the ancient growth forests alive, with their habitats thriving.


3.

Amish Cabin Company, is a log cabin kit building company that provides log cabin kits. The company works with their customers to provide a size and style of cabin that will suit the customer's needs and desires, and they have a phone line that you can call, so you can speak to someone directly on the phone.


4.

They provide all of the materials needed to build the log cabin that you purchase, and will be happy to help you with anything else you may need assistance with too. They also have a great and informative Frequently Asked Questions section that you can look at any time to answer any questions you may have.



5.

This particular home, The Cumberland Log Cabin, is a cozy and simple, log home. It features multiple bedrooms or office and a bedroom, and bathrooms. There is also potential for a beautiful deck to be built at the front of the home. It is perfect for a couple or a single family, or to use as a recreation property. You can also check out the other larger floor plans on their website. It could also be used as a rental unit on your property.



6.

Log homes are not only a great and sustainable home to buy, they are one of the most sturdy houses you can build. They are also very energy efficient, since the thermal mass of the logs is so high and they make wonderful insulators. The logs also act as air filters, filtering out some of the bad toxins in the air, which conventional homes don't do. Over all log homes are amazing and a wonderful choice of building that will last a lifetime!

Source : Cumberland Log Cabin Kit from $16,348
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Most Extreme Selfies - Part 2

We have seen how selfies can be funny or how can they even help solve crimes. Now take a look at this new trend, extreme selfies , for those who are not afraid of a little adventure while posing for a photo. Part - 2


Selfie with a great white shark. According to the photographer, it was taken in Guadalupe, 150 miles off the coast of Mexico.


Extreme and dumbest selfie ever – burning man

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Most Extreme Selfies - Part 1

We have seen how selfies can be funny or how can they even help solve crimes. Now take a look at this new trend, extreme selfies , for those who are not afraid of a little adventure while posing for a photo.

A young daredevil, known only as Christian, has taken the art of the selfie to a new level by recording himself being chased by enraged, rampaging bulls during a bull run in Baytown, Texas.
Christian was reportedly taking part in the Great Bull Run, held at the Royal Purple Raceway on January 25, 2014, when he decided to film the chase on his smartphone.
An onlooker uploaded a photo of Christian taking a selfie to Reddit under the title "selfie level 11 achieved," which indicates the level of danger involved in the stunt. It has already attracted more than 500 comments.


Extreme bike selfie with a photobomb. Two for the price of one.
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83% Of People Will Have To Look Twice

 Please read only after you see it!

For this fact we decided to poll 1000 of our readers. Only 170 were able to see it at first. The rest 830 had to look twice.
A friend of mine did this by using the greatest image manipulation program – photoshop. It’s a good idea because this guy in the back ruined his girlfriend’s photo. He photobombed them big time and my buddy got him good after that.

The first time I saw it, it took me a while to figure it out, since no one told me about it. I stared the picture for a couple of minutes and the first thing I noticed was that all of them have glasses and a little after that I noticed the face swap.


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Funny differences between men and women

Some funny differences between men and women.

Friendship between women

A woman did not come home on night

The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.

The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

_____________________________________________________________
Friendship between men:

A man did not come home one night.

The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friend. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
_____________________________________________________________


- If you tell a woman you purchased a new car she will immediately ask you “what’s the color of the car..??..”..Tell the same thing to a man and he will ask you “what sort it is”..

- There is no possibility of a woman admitting her mistake,however,the last man who admitted his mistake was the one who created women.

12 Year Old Bottle of Scotch

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch.

The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff.

The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. "This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I'm not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch."

The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch. The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. "This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won't pay for this, and I insist on a good, 12-year-old scotch. The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch. The man sips the drink and says, "Now that's more like it."

An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, "What do you think of this?" The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid yelling "THIS TASTES LIKE PISS."

To which the old drunk replies, "That's right, now guess how old I am."

Not Everybody Pays

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every now and then, a $50 bill fell out onto the footpath.

Noticing this, a cop stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $50 bills falling Out of that bag.”

“Oh, rats! Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer..”

“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. “Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my yard is right next to the baseball stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a hole in the fence, right into my garden. It used to really annoy me and kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the most of it?’ So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my shears. Every time some guy sticks his dingus through my fence, I surprise him, Grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $50, or I cut off your johnson!”

“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Well, you know”, said the little old lady, “not everybody pays”

Ferrari

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light.

An old man on a moped (both looking about 75 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, sonny?”

The young man replies, “A 1999 Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money, “says the old man. “Why does it cost so much?”

“Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!” states the young dude proudly.

The moped driver asks, “Mind if I take a look inside?”

“No problem,” replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right!”

Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! something whips by him, going much faster!
“What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!” the young man asks himself

Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! and it looked like the old man on the moped!

“Couldn’t be,” thinks the guy. “How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!”

But again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh, Ka- bblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.

The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, “Oh my god! Is there anything I can do for you?”

The old man whispers with his dying breath, “Unhook…my suspenders… from your side-view mirror…”

Where did he go

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks “Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber look around the shop and says “about 2 hours,” and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks…”how long before I can get a haircut?”

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says “about 2 hours.” The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks “how long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says “about an hour and a half”. The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says “Hey, Joey, I’ll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes.”

In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, “this must be good, where did he go when he left here?”

Joey says, “To your house!”

"Rabbits "

Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven Sir

Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven!!!

Teacher: Where the f*ck do you get seven from?!?!?

Johnny: Because I f*ing have 1 at home!!!

Beer VS. Women

A Beer is always wet, a woman is not….1 point for beer!

Beer is horrible, when it is hot….1 point for women!

A cold beer satisfies you….1 point for beer!

For a beer, you pay taxes….1 point for women!

If you drink a second beer, the first one doesn’t get angry….1 point for beer!

You can always be sure that, you are the first one Opening a beer….1 point for beer!

If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself….1 point for beer!

You know exactly how much a beer costs….1 point for beer!

A beer does not have a mother….1 point for beer!

A Beer won’t ask you to hug her for half an hour after having it….1 point for beer!

So the Score is……Beer beats women 8 to 2

If you’re a guy, enjoy this message..If you are a woman reading this and getting angry, know that a beer would never get angry……1 point for beer

David


A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten," she replied.

"What are their names?" he asked.

"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.

"They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in."

"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"

"I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered.

"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

A lecture on Paranormal Studies.

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, ‘How many people here believe in ghosts?’
About 90 students raise their hands.
Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?’
About 40 students raise their hands.
That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?’
About 15 students raise their hand.
Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?’
Three students raise their hands.
That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?’
Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says ‘Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.’
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, ‘So, Ahmed, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?’
Ahmed replied, “Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats.”

In the supermarket


A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open"
Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open."

He zipped up and finished his shopping.

At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door." He was planning to have a little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine standing in there at attention?"

The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and said "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags."

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.


If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer’s credibility …

Q: ‘Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?’

A: ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.’

Q: ‘Officer, who provided this description?’

A: ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’

Q: ‘A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?’

A: ‘Yes, sir. With my life.’

Q: ‘With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?’

A: ‘Yes sir, we do!’

Q: ‘And do you have a locker in the room?’

A: ‘Yes, sir, I do.’

Q: ‘And do you have a lock on your locker?’

A: ‘Yes, sir.’

Q: ‘Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?’
A: ‘You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.’

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

A Marine pulled into a little town


By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.

“ You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” the tired Marine assured him. “I’ll take it.”

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “How’d you sleep?” Asked the manager.

“Never better.”

The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”

“Nope, I shut him up in no time.” Said the Marine.

“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.

“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”

Senior Citizens


A married couple is travelling by car from Victoria to Prince George.

Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it’s a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the ‘standard rate’. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for us to use.

“But we didn’t use them,” the husband said.

“Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.

The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager says.

“But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” the husband said.

“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, “But we didn’t use it!”

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn’t have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check.
She did and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. “But ma’am, this is made out for only $50.00.”

“That’s correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.

“But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager.

“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”

Don’t mess with senior citizens….. They didn’t get there by being stupid.

Why Parents Have Gray Hair

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.
I’ve been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it’s not only the passion, Dad, she’s pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my desk drawer.
I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!

Ugliest man in the world


One day, Hercules, Snow White and the Quasimoto (Hunchback of Notre Dame) were standing around talking.

Hercules spoke up and said, “I bet I am the strongest man in the world.” Snow White then looked around and said, “Well I bet that I am the most beautiful person in the world.” Then Quasimoto looks around and quietly said, “I suppose that I am the ugliest man in the world.”

An old man who had been listening in on there conversation said, “There is a psychic on top of that hill up there, why don’t you each go in there and ask her yourself?” The three friends agreed and they hiked to the top of the hill.

Hercules went in first and came out a few minutes later and said, “I was right, I am the strongest man in the world.”

Snow White went in next. She came out a few minutes later and said, “I was also right, I am the most beautiful person in the world.”

Finally it was Quasimoto’s turn. He went in and after a few minutes he came out scratching his head. He looks up at his friends and said, “Who is George Bush?”

Fried eggs for her husband


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.

“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!

TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They’re going 2 STICK! Careful.. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!

You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”